The Cat That Started Everything
by DanielTheWaterTankAndTheFoetus
Summary: Al spots a cat in a dark alley, which catalyses his meeting with a bizarre girl, who catalyses . . . read to find out, but read only if you're sure you won't be majorly grossed out. AlxOC.


_**The Cat That Started Everything **_

_By Janine (see profile)_

Central City was packed, as usual. Well, it was packed for Alphonse Elric, who had been brought up in the eastern boondocks, a small country town called Resembool. He had gotten somewhat used to the hustle and bustle of the city during his travels with his brother Edward, but he found that he still preferred walking down narrow lanes with fringes of sweet-smelling heather and listening to the flocks of sheep out in the paddocks and falling asleep on the cushiony grass with his eyes turned skyward, watching the glittery stars twinkle and wink down at him from the panorama of inky blackness.

But Edward didn't and never seemed able to appreciate the joys the unadorned countryside could provide. It had been he who had decided that Alphonse would get his body back, no matter what it cost him. And it had cost both of them a lot indeed. But they did get their bodies back, saving the whole of Amestris from a terrible fate along the way – and that, you would think, would be the end of that.

Only it wasn't, for Edward had almost died of boredom afterwards, staying in Resembool for a year while Alphonse's body caught up with his. And when it finally had, he'd whisked his poor brother off to Dublith to see their ex-teacher, then to Ishval to give both Scar and Colonel Mustang a good kick with his automail leg, then to Briggs for no apparent reason – they were both deathly afraid of Major General Armstrong, and then finally, to Central to take care of some unfinished business that Alphonse assumed had something to do with the military.

So on this clear spring day, Alphonse found himself strolling aimlessly around the city and trying to blend in with the crowd, before he realised that he no longer had any need to do so, as he wasn't a suit of armour twice the size of a normal human anymore. He had no clue as to where Edward had disappeared off to, but knowing him, it was probably someplace stupid and pointless.

But if Alphonse had known that this trip to the city was about to catalyse something extraordinary and exhilarating, he would've gone down on one knee and kowtowed repeatedly to his brother (something Mei Chang, the seventeenth princess of the eastern nation of Xing, had taught him as a parting gift). He didn't have psychic powers, however, so he simply walked on and thought about Edward's stubbornness and idiocy.

It was as he passed a narrow alleyway that he noticed it. A tiny, whimpering creature, curled up so that it looked like a ball of fur. Nevertheless, Alphonse knew what it was, from years of experience. He knelt down slowly and quietly, reaching out a hand, but –

His heart almost shot out of his mouth. A pair of large brown eyes shone out of the gloom, wide and bright as they stared fixedly at him. He stumbled backwards in shock, but fortunately, the little creature inches away from him wasn't startled.

"What – who – how –?" he blurted out.

The eyes blinked in surprise. Then a voice floated out from the darkness of the alley. "Oh, sorry about that." There was a shuffling of feet and a girl emerged into the sunlight, keeping close to the high brick wall to avoid treading on the creature. "I was just trying to . . . er . . . do something about that cat."

"Oh." Alphonse's heart rate was slowly returning back to normal, now that he could see that the girl wasn't a ghost or some frightening chimera. "Well, I was too. I suppose I should apologize for acting like such a wuss."

"Damn right you should," said the girl, grinning. Then she turned her attention to the cat. "Now, let's get you to the vet."

* * *

The waiting room smelled strongly of antiseptic. The girl had told Alphonse that she could manage by herself, but he'd insisted on tagging along. Now he regretted it slightly – the silence was almost unbearable. Just as he was thinking about leaving and finding Edward so that he could go back to the hotel and relax, the girl suddenly spoke.

"My bladder's at bursting point."

Alphonse blinked. He wasn't very used to being alone with girls, so naturally, he didn't know how to talk to them. But even his childhood friend Winry never made such odd comments in the presence of a stranger. "Um . . . okay," he said uncertainly. "You should go to the bathroom, then."

"That's what I'm about to do," the girl snapped.

When she returned, he tried to start a friendly conversation. "What's your name?"

"Yagz."

"Oh. I'm Alphonse Elric."

She looked interested. "Elric? You're my friend's boyfriend's brother, aren't you?"

He stared. "Big Brother has a _girlfriend_?"

"Sure he does. He's been dating Durian since –" She clapped a hand over her mouth. "Oh, fuck."

Alphonse was completely taken aback. Yagz had seemed rude, but a girl saying that word? Even Edward rarely used it.

"Sorry," she said, as though reading his mind. "Stupid PMS."

They lapsed back into silence, Yagz staring absently at a framed picture of an extremely fat ginger cat on the wall and Alphonse thinking secretly that he would personally kill Edward the moment he set foot in the hotel. A few minutes ticked by and the vet came out into the waiting room, the stray cat in his arms.

"Well, I've patched up that gash of hers. Now, who's paying?"

Alphonse and Yagz glanced at each other. "I will," said Alphonse, thinking that it was the gentlemanly thing to do.

Over the next few weeks, he and Yagz met up regularly, using the cat as an excuse to see each other. Alphonse didn't know why, but he found her rather interesting. She was, as he discovered as time went on, not only very impudent, but also extremely bizarre. Even without PMS, she had alarming highs and lows – she'd turn up snappy and irritable one day and insanely happy the next – and she could go from talking about national affairs and human rights in a sophisticated manner to blurting out comments that made no sense whatsoever. One afternoon, for instance, as she and Alphonse sat in a cafe, sipping coffee, she said matter-of-factly, "Apricot loves you."

"Who?"

"Apricot – another one of my friends, even though she's really too stupid to be my friend. Anyway, she loves you. She wants to have sex with you."

"Er . . . what?"

Yagz smiled sweetly. "Am I creeping you out?"

"Yes. Very much."

"I learnt it from Yoghurt. She's a rapist, by the way. She rapes Rambutan at least five times a day."

Alphonse held up his hands in defeat. "Look, Yagz, whenever we talk about your friends, you get really dirty. Let's talk about something else."

And so it went on for another couple of months. Edward seemed to want to stay in Central for a good while, which suited Alphonse just fine. He and Yagz got on splendidly, and he felt that he'd never have to worry about not being popular with girls again. As the end of the year neared, however, Edward announced that he had plans regarding alchemy, and that he'd discuss the matter with Alphonse upon their return to Resembool. Alphonse was horrified, but nothing was sufficient to change Edward's mind. So he had no choice but to break the news to Yagz.

"What?" she said in disbelief, as they sat opposite each other in a candlelit restaurant beside the hotel, which Alphonse had chosen for their last date. She had been in the process of raising a spoonful of soup to her mouth, but the spoon was now dangling from her fingers, its contents dripping all over the tablecloth. "You're leaving?"

"Yes. Big Brother's stubborn, but his intentions are good, and I don't think he could ever do without me babysitting him."

"But . . . what about us? What about all this?"

Alphonse shifted in his seat, wishing his bow tie wasn't so tight. "Well, a sacrifice is needed to gain something. That's alchemy's law of equivalent exchange."

"But this isn't alchemy!" Tears were brimming in her eyes.

"No, Yagz, I didn't mean to say it so harshly – I – I just –"

She lunged across the table and grabbed his arm. Her eyes were ablaze with anger and passion.

* * *

Alphonse's heart hadn't beat so quickly since his first encounter with Yagz. That absurd girl had led him into the hotel – into his hotel room – and now sat on the bed expectantly.

"Yagz, we can't do this."

"Why not? You're leaving, so it won't make much of a difference." She reached out and pulled him towards her with so much force that he toppled and landed right on top of her. Almost unconsciously, his lips found hers and a furious battle of tongues and saliva ensued. Alphonse felt as though his whole body was about to be sucked into her mouth, with all the energy she was putting into it. He let himself succumb to it, to be devoured by her soft lips, to be clamped tightly against her heaving body . . . she tasted so sweet, like nothing he had ever tasted before . . .

And she broke away, gasping for air. "Al," she panted, "I might change my mind about this. It's too . . . freaky."

Alphonse felt trapped in a sort of dream. "I might change my mind too. Only . . . I was against the idea at first, so there might be a problem."

Yagz's eyes widened. "Wait, Al –"

He muffled her words with another kiss, this one even more fervent than before. His arms wound around her and undid the buttons at the back of her dress. She struggled and kicked, but she was trapped under him, and there was nothing she could do . . . he released her mouth and peeled off her dress . . . and somehow, he managed to take it all off . . . every layer of clothing that had covered her, and she lay bare beneath him.

By this time she had stopped struggling – her eyes were wide and confused, but she saved him the trouble of undressing himself. Off came the jacket, bow tie, shirt and trousers – they were now as close as they could be, feeling the rapid rise and fall of each other's chests.

And then he went inside her, and she screamed. His hand went automatically over her mouth, but he felt a sudden burst of pleasure that made it slacken . . . they both moaned repeatedly as this natural act between humans continued, well into the night . . .

And then it was morning, and they lay beside each other, exhausted. Alphonse finally picked himself up after a while and said, "I'm going, Yagz. But I'll – I'll be back. Someday."

He opened the door and found himself face to face with Edward. Edward had his hands on his hips. "What was going on in there?" he demanded.

Alphonse looked down at his shoes. "Well, I – er . . . I made Yagz lose her virginity."

And he hurried away before Edward's yell could burst his eardrums.


End file.
